Let me tell you about a cute little pink lump of flesh casted with most enchanting spell of all called ‘life’. It was 75th minute of my uninterrupted glance at this baby while all my thoughts concerning his predestined future reeled on in my head like a film. As I landed on reality runway, I felt his fingers clasped around my thumb, I saw his tiny feet kicking the air over hospital bed and his eyes blinking with surprise while last drop of tear streamed down to pillow leaving trace of salt on both sides of his face. He was not crying anymore. Only blinked. May be he was tired but I’m pretty sure he was shocked about one of those cruel jokes life had pulled off. Before his 75th hour on earth, the angel of death took his mother away a day after this Mother’s Day. Irony. I could not resist myself from kissing him. Then I could smell scent of purity and innocence. Knowledge that Rules of God can neither be bent nor be broken, shattered my heart into shredded pieces. I am useless uncle of this child mourning death of my cousin.
Only that day I was shuffling through the old photos I stored in my cloud account. I found myself giggling thinking the silly deeds we did to bully her husband and to haunt guests on her pre-wedding and wedding occasion. Seem like yesterday we were rowing boat to go fishing. She would catch most fishes and we could only hook crabs or broken tree branches. She made fun of us saying ‘Don’t worry; I cook delicious crab soup with branch stew’. She liked muting corny Deshi films and reciting humorous made-up lines that turned it much more entertaining. She was my indulger of many childhood wishes, she was my company in afternoon walks, and she was pickle in a tasteless day and story in an uneventful time. She was my charming big sis. One day I hope to tell this cute little lump of flesh all the stories about his amazing mother.
I picked him up cradled him in my arms. I started humming with heaviest heart. For now, he shall sleep. For now, he shall glide far away from this predestined tragedy of our accepted destiny.
See what this delusional angel just did! I had fallen for you even before sound of wings faded. Now I live on your love and he is about to come to his senses. That arrow is still pierced I’m injured of love as days pass it dense(s) and feeling intense(s). He will undo the wrong been done. It sounds so daft. Is it his bizarre guilty pleasure? Remember what this delusional angel just did? I bet he was having fun keeping intention well hid.
That night I dreamt of you and me in an American bar. My sleeves all folded showing a nasty scar. You were dancing with the crowd under the neon light looked irresistible with retro looking face. It was indie bar with pensive people needed no wild guess. I was just badass intruder drinking raw vodka sipped down my throat. It all shifted and instead I wished to be left with you leaning onto me saying ‘let it be’, breathing-in your hot breath mixed with lipstick scent, sweet fume of sweat conquering cheap perfume, felt breathless my lung an airless vacuum. I was intoxicated in faded vision. Woke up on my bed with your head lying on my chest, asked, was it just an aided mission? You said, remember what that delusional angel did? I bet he was having fun keeping intention well hid.
Other day, we were walking down French boulevard. Sunray reflected on blue bay, orange and wine, grapes from vine. Air filled with Mozart, papers with Salvador’s art I tried to be one of those men who prophesize with pen. Where love is a habit of romantic instinct you won me from goddess yet heaven felt closest. As the stars vanished, moon disappeared left an empty bottle of wine, and echo of love was all I heard while night stayed shushed just like the time before and time before that… you tanned under sun I drew a hat and said remember what that delusional angel did? I bet he was having fun keeping intention well hid.
Love, song, food… dance for good, it’s nothing but an adolescent addiction embedded in this shapeless fiction. The kinder we become the harsher we get you bet it’s our damn fate that we met before sunset. Deadliest turn to our small barn, they say ‘do you see you were never meant to be’. Destined to solitary confinement, failed voyage for love sends hardest resentment. If you seek the truth, it’s written on our trembling hearts and eager lips… the only lie: ‘We will never say goodbye’. Cause, remember what that delusional angel did? I bet he was having fun keeping intention well hid.